A separation can be hard. When kids are involved it is harder still. Then add property, superannuation and a myriad of other financial facts to the mix, and it’s clear why divorce is one of life’s most stressful events. To top it off, it has to be successfully navigated with our ex-partner with whom tensions are often already high.

Whether your relationship with your ex is amicable, passable or at an all-time low, working towards good communication is the best thing you can do. It will benefit you now and way into the future.

Here’s why good communication is so important during divorce and separation.

It will make your life easier

Who doesn’t want a peaceful life? Healthy, effective communication makes everything easier, faster and less stressful. If you and your ex can navigate the difficulties of your financial separation successfully, you have forged the way for an easier future for both of you. This is will involve learning to engage with each other differently whilst accepting the changes and treating one another with respect. Once these new ground-rules are in place, you will find life is a whole lot easier for everyone.

It will make your kids happier

Divorce is difficult for children, but conflict between their parents is harder. For any parent, putting their children through a divorce is heart-wrenching. Yet, you have the power to control how it affects your children both now and in the future. For many children, watching their parents navigate divorce is a lesson. If they can see you and your ex communicating effectively and getting results that work for the whole family, they will feel safe. If they see you to working together to make their lives better, they will feel loved and happy.

It will save you money

If you are able to work with your ex, rather than against him/her, during your separation period you will definitely save money. The first mistake an ex-couple can make is to engage separate lawyers to ‘fight their corner’. Not only will this create unnecessary costs for both parties, but will likely cause further communication break-down as the ‘he says, she says’ continues courtesy of costly lawyer’s letters and phone calls. Pulling down barriers and talking to your ex, or communicating through a central point which encourages amicable and cost-effective outcomes, will leave you better placed financially at the end of it all. This, in-turn, gives you more choices and a better footing in your new single life.

It will make you a better co parent

Successful co-parenting is achieved by good communication between parents. For anyone doing it, you will know the obstacles and intricacies involved in living between two homes. Without a high-level of communication this can all come crashing down, and your children are then ones that will suffer. Creating new boundaries and rules around communication early on in your separation will allow you to step into your new co-parenting role with confidence. You and your partner will be able to role model to your children what a healthy, happy separated family should look like. This will allow your children to thrive and enjoy their childhood, without worrying about where their school uniform is or which house they are staying at.

It will allow you to move on

Good communication with your ex-partner is more than just getting through your financial separation. If you communicate openly you can tie-up the loose ends of your relationship, which will allow you to accept, learn and ultimately move on with your life. If you have children, your life and that of your ex will always be inextricably linked. Even if you re-partner, you ex will still be part of you, because he is part of your children. If you have learnt to communicate well, your ex may become just another friend who will be happy for you to move on with your life, as they do with theirs.

Belinda Eldridge
Posted by Belinda Eldridge
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